Freedom

Heh, so there's an election in two days.

Who knew?

How the time flies.

It's easy to let such things steal our peace of mind. I know I have given it the opportunity. It's honestly a lot like football. We each have our own personal team that we've grown up watching, we cheer them on, and cringe at the opposing team's score. I usually try to avoid getting too invested into the games, otherwise, I get drawn into the heat of the moment and start yelling at the screen along with everyone else. (which only happens when I watch it with my diehard, football advocating, extended family)

And if, horror of horrors, we lose, it would seem to be the end of the world. My evening is ruined; such a crushing blow to my sensitive heart it is to witness such loss. But, football aside, it seems anything within the political realm is stressful for me. 

To be perfectly candid, I observe and study politics like some of you might research the periodic table or the Spanish language. I don't know why I do, it's like playing trivia, checking data, latest updates, candidates, ethical implications. I'm always trying to get the right answers to discover a reason for hope. 

As if my hope should rest on political figures.

It's easy to be indignant and outraged when we see a circumstance develop that's beyond our control to change (especially since I can't even vote this election cycle).  But then again, perhaps we're missing the point. I don't think that politics is the greatest problem in this country (though it is definitely a pressing one), rather what I find most disturbing is the decadence it stirs up throughout society. 

It's like a firestorm, consuming the very fabric of civility and clouding solid judgement. Last I checked, Americans stopped fighting among themselves May 9th, 1865. Your neighbor next door is not your enemy, even if he does have a yard sign that you disagree with. What this country so desperately needs right now is not great leaders, but good people. 

The quality of our government is determined by the moral character of the people it governs. I find this quote to be especially pertinent.
 

"Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other."

-John Adams

 I'm starting to learn that you have to let some things go. If there is something completely out of your control, you just gotta leave it be. We have to remember to focus on our part of His plan. We're not just a lone voice speaking out against the darkness. If we let Him, He can take our best efforts and turn them into something far greater.

Throughout history, God has always used humans to fulfill His plan. Each step required the free choice of a human will to say yes. Mary's fiat could've been no. We all have an opportunity to make a difference in the world, however small it may be.

 Instead of simply crossing our fingers and voting, let's not forget to pray. One vote makes a small difference unless it is united with a greater movement. Our little prayers throughout the day might not seem like much, but they are timeless moments when we invite God into our lives and into our world.

And even if things don't seem to turn out for the best, remember that God includes human failures into his calculations. We have to realize that his primary goal is not our earthly prosperity, but our heavenly inheritance. Jesus didn't come to overthrow the Roman rule over the Jews, rather he came to start a spiritual revolt against sin. He came to lead us out of spiritual bondage into freedom.

That freedom is one that relies not on human frailty or political achievements, but the will to say yes to his grace. It's one that gives purpose in the midst of confusion, joy in every moment, peace during the hard times, perseverance in the face of persecution, and, in the end, it gives us a life worth living, no matter the circumstances.

That's a freedom worth fighting for. 

That's a freedom worth dying for.

The Pilgrim's Prayer

Some days just seem to blindside us, leave us reeling in the dark, wondering why. I'm so exhausted physically and emotionally. Yet, somehow, this day still gives me peace and hope.

I found a prayer this afternoon, it helps so much to express what I feel stirring inside me. I needed to hear and pray it.

I had to realize that it's okay not to know everything, not to have it all planned out. To admit that, sometimes, I don't have the answers.

A Pilgrim's Prayer by Thomas Merton

My Lord God,

I have no idea where I am going.

I do not see the road ahead of me.

I cannot know for certain where it will end....

Nor do I really know myself,

And the fact that I think I am following Your will

Does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please You.

And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.

 I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.

And I know that if I do this,

You will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust You always though I may seem lost 

And in the shadow of death.

I will not fear, for You are ever with me, 

And You will never leave me to face my perils alone.

...

I helped write a song in Africa. It was right after an extremely heartbreaking moment, greatly distressing, to say the least. I'm going to end this post with its chorus. It's very simple but we don't always need to say much to truly be heard.

...

Even though I'm broken,

Lord, you take my hand. 

I will trust in You,

 Though I do not understand.

Have a good night ya'll, I'll see you next week.

-TJ

The Life We're Living

What are you afraid of?

At first thought, I might say pain or catastrophe. But when I think about it,

I'm afraid of being trapped.

We live busy lives, don't we? At this moment, instead of writing this, I could be (a) practicing my piano (b) doing school (c) working on my album (d) brainstorming my novel (e) editing a film project (f) practicing my dance moves (g) getting some family time. 

But no, I have to work first on this blog post. Not that I'm complaining about having to write, I'm just disappointed that I always leave it till the last minute. And I mean, Every. Single. Time.

The problem with all of this is that I can't focus. I can't slow down. I can't rest.

Yes, yes, I do get my sleep and I do take breaks. But I'm never at peace, do you know the feeling? 

And I've read the blog posts and I've told myself, I need to cut back. But how? Most of these are serious commitments that I can't just walk away from easily. Most of these have deadlines, most have other people involved. Eventually, the only things I can say no to are the things I want to do, but don't need to do. Or if I work on them, I can't focus, I can't always concentrate when I've got more important things to do. 

I don't think it's healthy. It chokes life out of creativity and poisons free time. But what greatly troubles me, is how it's inescapable. 

This wild, frantic pace frightens me because it helps me to forget. It's only when you're taken out of this cycle, that you realize how much you long to change.

To illustrate my words, I wrote this on my plane ride back to America from Africa.

"I'm supposed to be concerned primarily with eternal things and not worry about temporal needs, but how can I prevent myself from slipping back? From losing the lessons learned?"

When I stepped off that plane, I desperately hoped that I wouldn't. Yet, here I am, four months later, caught right in the thick of it again.

How time flies.

The curse of this society is that we're not allowed to think, to look deeper and farther than ourselves. All this amazing wealth and opportunities but we never have time for any of it! The things that truly matter in our lives never seem to have real consequences in the immediate future like so many other trivial things do.

We're always worrying about our test scores, unfinished novels, or the latest drama in our circle of friends, but there's not always the same concern for drawing closer to God or developing healthy friendships. What about our splintering families or widespread addictions to social media or gaming? Why do we always have to wait before figuring these things out? 

People always tell me how mature I am for my age. Sure, maybe I am, but by what standards? Yes, I might have some things figured out, but already I'm regretting that it's taken me this long already. Just looking back a couple years makes me marvel at the mess I was and the person I am now. I'm still a mess, it's just harder for me to see it now.

And we all are. It takes strength to look at yourself honestly and admit the flaws you see. That's why the cycle is so hard to break. When we're too focused on the world around us and the demands it places on us, we can forget to look inside and realize the need to change. 

We simply don't have the time to confront the problems within ourselves. We put it off for later when we have more time. Apparently, once we graduate college, find a job, perhaps get married, that's when we'll have the time. 

It's. A. Lie. 

Life doesn't wait for you to get your affairs in order so that you can start polishing it into shape. No one is going to give you that push to move forward, to get in gear. If you want to see results in your life, then you need to move! There's no time to sit around waiting for the right moment. The moment is now, not tomorrow because one day there will be no more tomorrows.

We've got to start waking up and start taking charge of our own lives because ultimately, we're the only ones who are responsible for them. This cloud of busyness is a drug that has the power to destroy our lives. But if we're honest, this way of life is the one we're most comfortable with.

It's comfortable because it distracts, it numbs. We're living lives of quiet desperation and we don't even know it. The way out looks hard, uncomfortable, or exhausting, but we weren't made to be comfortable. 

We were made to live.

And live well.

Home

"Emmanuel, how much for a Boda-Boda ride?" Sheila asked.

"1000," the young man replied, our soft-spoken guide on this foray. I stayed silent as my aunt continued.

"Ok, well, we're not going to be able to take one."

"Why not?" he asked, looking perplexed.

"We have no money with us."

"We shall have to walk then," he said easily. "Come on, I know a shortcut."

***

It's that time of year. In every direction, (at least where I live), there's forests with trees decorated in every color, mellow orange pumpkins, and dried up fields of corn. The fields are covered in mist and the temperature is just refreshingly brisk. I'm tempted to say that fall is my favorite season, when only a few months ago I was saddened by the thought of empty trees and the approaching winter.

It always makes me nostalgic, like I'm living in a field of memories or waiting on an empty bench in the park. It seems that no matter what season I'm in, that one is my favorite. Can I just say that I love all the seasons with their different temperatures and colors?

And yet, each time the seasons roll by, I find myself clinging to each one and viewing the coming season with apprehension. It seems that there's always a universal mistrust of change, we're comfortable with that which we are familiar with. Change means transition, which isn't always comfortable.

After all, fall heralds colder temperatures and raking leaves, which can be seen as troublesome to one's regular life. Yet, whenever the next season rolls around, it happens so gradually that we're surprised by the change and instead of it being an unwelcome burden, it's a pleasant change of pace. For, despite the many vivid, even dramatic changes there's something comfortable about it. There's something familiar.

That's the beauty of seasons, they're always changing time and time again, but they always retain that sense of the familiar. It's a good lesson for us to learn; no matter how many changes we undergo, we don't have to fear them. We don't have to be afraid, for despite every unknown that may come, there's always an known quality about them. We have everything we need to face the challenge ahead, we just don't realize it until the day comes.

In that vein, I should finish recounting the story above. It's taken from, perhaps, the most nerve-wracking experience I had in Africa. We had just finished visiting with our selected student's family and decided to skip lunch in order to get back before the others would start to worry about us. (Plus, they needed the food more than we did.)

In a stunning example of generosity, Emmanuel's grandmother picked for us an entire sack of peanuts, to show her gratitude for our visit. Then we started down the dirt road, in search of St. Kizito's High School.  Emmanuel was about 13 years old and spoke rather poor English. The plan, originally, was to catch a boda-boda (motorcycle) ride back to the school from some of the nearby men. Unfortunately, neither of us had any money on us, (we didn't think it wise to be carrying it through the Ugandan countryside), so we had to walk.

Emmanuel guided us along several dirt paths, before taking us off the wider dirt road to a path he said was shorter. My aunt and I hadn't the slightest clue where we were, so it was with apprehension that we followed him onto this route. I'm pretty certain we were the first mzungus ever to travel that path. Finally, after a good amount of walking, I spotted the most reassuring of sights: Our Lady of Guadalupe School. We're on familiar ground, we were getting closer to home.

Home. It's funny how we thought of it like that, even though we hadn't even been there two weeks. I came to realization that home isn't just where we live or grew up. It's where we are safe, comfortable, and belong. It's where we can dwell in peace and safety. It's where we are familiar with our surroundings.

That night, I knew that wherever I went, I could always carry that sense of home and safety with me. How I looked at the school as a sign of reassurance is how we should see God.

Before we left America, we had a sendoff Mass for us, with a special blessing. In that blessing, a certain line struck me.

"May the Lord be a staff of refuge for you."

A staff of refuge. 

That's what God is for us. No matter how far we travel from home, whatever the circumstance or situation, even and most especially in times of danger. 

The less of our strength that we can draw upon, the more we can rely upon him, our staff of refuge. Trust me, no matter where you go, it doesn't seem a foreign land, strange and unfamiliar, because you don't have to change. You can still cling to that staff tightly. In the grand scheme of things, there's nowhere we can't feel at home, because God is the same, regardless of one's location. 

As St. Therese would often say, "The world's thy ship and not thy home." We live in a foreign land, it is true, but instead of causing us discomfort, that should give us hope. It means that one day, our journeys will end, our struggles will cease, our pain will be given purpose.

It means that one day, we will find peace, comfort, understanding, safety, joy, and love. In short,

We'll be home.

Covered in Light

Unreachable.

That's how I described God four months ago. I think it's time for a status update.

Two days before leaving for Africa, I sat in an adoration chapel, praying and journaling about the trip before me. The weeks leading up to this, I had been plagued with the lack of God's presence. I didn't know where to find it or where to start looking. It was my hope and plan, that Africa would be the solution to all this. After all, where else is there a better place to find Christ then in the face of the poor?

But as the day drew ever closer, I was slowly coming to this realization. I wrote this that afternoon:

"All this time, I've been looking at Africa as the pivotal moment, the spiritual kickstart for my relationship with God. But it's not. I need to start that change now. Africa can be a catalyst, but not the fire. I need to provide that spark, Africa can fan it into flame."

I came to this conclusion, that if I wanted my life to change, then I had to be that change. No external circumstances are going to do that. God's grace can't change us unless we let it.  

Two days before this, I had a very long conversation with a good friend of mine (you know who you are ;). She stressed the importance of consistency in one's prayer life, carving time out of every day for God. At that point, my prayer life had been mostly purposeless and without direction. I knew I needed to change, but I didn't know how.  Thankfully, my friend also gave me some very practical suggestions on where to start.

The only problem was, I was leaving for Africa within the week. Due to the chaos of packing and planning, I hadn't the opportunity or willpower to put these suggestions into practice. After two flights and 24 hours of traveling, I found myself in Entebbe, Uganda. 

During the next two weeks, those suggestions would rattle around in the back of my head, but I hadn't the resources to make that happen. I realized I had to be patient; there wasn't anything I could do about it. Every day, we would celebrate Mass with the church packed with students. Every day was filled with prayerful reflection and small group discussion. Grace was at work in my life, I was beginning to learn to let go and give God room to move.

It began to seem like I was beginning to become stronger, more mature emotionally and spiritually. I tried to be brave and face whatever situation was before me, because that was where I was meant to be. My greatest fear came from myself, not from without. I was so afraid that I would forget it all, that I would go home and slip into the same routine I had been living for months. 

Originally, when we finally did return, it certainly did feel like that. Everything was the same, the grass was still green and so were the stoplights. It was so easy to idle away the day. But I knew that I still needed to make that change. 

Perhaps it was weeks or months, but I finally began implementing the plan, which I'm still trying to expand upon. I downloaded the iBreviary app and tried to make a morning offering every day. I tried to keep up on reading the daily readings every day, starting my day off with little snippets of God's word.

I joined a Bible study recently, to dive deeper into the scriptures and listen to God's word. As Peter Kreeft says, "Don't complain that God is silent, if your Bible is closed." That had always been one of my great doubts, why could I never hear God?

Even now, I don't really hear that whisper in my heart like I imagined it would be, but for the first time, I know that God is with me. And he wants to be there. 

On some occasions, I had felt like God had wanted nothing to do with me. That he didn't even like the sight of me attending Mass. It was a heinous lie, I know that now, I knew that at the time, but that didn't banish the feeling from my heart. 

Now, every day seems to be bathed with a divine light. I can't get God out of my head, he's always cropping up wherever I go. I pray more frequently and not just before meals. I try to remember that it's only through God's grace that I can accomplish anything. Nature has become even more glorious. Life is beautiful, and the sky is full of stars. 

I'm not saying this as if I've got everything figured out. Far from it, this is but one step ahead of where I was. There are still so many areas that I need to work on that I need to mature. Perfection is the goal and I'm not anywhere near close to that (nor will I ever be in this life). Life is a constant struggle. We can never relax or forget our eternal destiny while a battle still rages for our soul. If I'm not constantly pushing forward, then I'm only going to fall behind. 

But at this point in my life, it's never been more exciting or joyful. I can't help but love the fact that I'm alive, that I can taste the air and breathe. Drawing closer to God has made everything about him a joy to discover. I can hope and dream, I can love and laugh. I can be at peace because death is only a doorway into Eternal Life. 

And, of course, it won't always be this pleasant. The past often repeats itself, I might struggle over the same doubts that I had months ago. But I want you to know that you can overcome whatever it is you're facing. God has a purpose for all the pain, confusion, and turmoil. No matter where you are or where I am, whatever the circumstance, whatever the day, God is good. 

You and I, we're children of God. So don't be afraid, 'cause we're covered in light.

The Light of the Son.

Focus

How many of you thought about Heaven this week?

How many of us thought about the day we're going to die?

Now, for some, that might be a rather morbid thought. Especially at my age. I mean, I'm still in my teens. The idea of mortality should be far from my mind. After all, I've barely reached the primacy of my youth! 

But, if we really want to enjoy the life before us, we have to remember the life ahead of us.

As some people say, "The days are long, but the years are short." 

Is that the life we want to live? Days filled to the bursting; full of activities, responsibilities, engagements, jobs, school. The years slip by ever faster while we're left wondering where the last six months went. 

See, thinking about Heaven and our eternal destiny isn't morbid, fanciful, paranoia, or a waste of time. Rather, it's a practical and very reasonable view of life. 

It gives us perspective. 

When you have a destination, each wandering footfall has a new purpose. We're no longer roaming aimlessly, we're headed straight for the light at the edge of the horizon. With that meaning in life, that constant checking of the way ahead, we can adjust and make corrections to the immediate path before us. 

Each moment viewed in light of eternity becomes part of that journey. The question to ask ourselves is, "What is taking our eyes off that path, that destination?"

Whether we're Christian or not, it can be so tempting, so easy just to brush it all off and turn back to wanton dissipation of our time. 

It might not be the things we do, but rather how many of them that we do. Life is so stuffed full of opportunities that we hardly know what to do next. But instead of making a decision, we often just take a little bit of everything and try to cram it onto our plate. 

Life isn't a buffet, it's a five-course banquet. Each new thing is meant to be enjoyed in its own time. You don't mix the cake, beans, soup, and chicken together so you can enjoy them all at once. 

Yet, at least for me, this so often seems to be the state of my life. There are so many different things I want to pursue: Piano, composing, writing, dance, school, etc. It gets to the point that when I'm working on one project, I can't help but think about all the other things I need to be doing. 

Why can't I relax? Why can't I just enjoy the moment before me?

Maybe, I just need to realize the limits I have. I need to understand that I can't do everything. And if I try to do so, I won't be able to do anything.  We're not meant to be split apart with our minds constantly planning ahead for the next task. We're supposed to focus, relax, and enjoy the work that God has given us.

I want to try an experiment and perhaps you should do the same. This week, I want to focus. I'm going to take one aspect of my life and really give it work and time. Perhaps, it'll be music or writing. The next week, I'll try the same thing, focusing on something that I need to work on and make it better.

We all need a purpose in our lives. We've got to remember the path we've been given. Our eternal destiny is meant to be in communion with God and all those with Him.

But you can't do that if you keep forgetting Him. We can't manage this thing called life unless we realize it only comes in finite portions. 

We should live our lives with a sense of urgency because we're living on borrowed time. Someday, we're going to have to render an accounting for all time wasted, good omitted, and slovenliness committed.

Let's not waste this opportunity we've been given. So remember,

Focus.

And give it your best shot.

Change the World?

All of us have dreams, don't we?

We all want to excel and succeed in life.

I always seem to be confronted by two incompatible beliefs, one optimistic, the other pessimistic. One tells me to always live my dreams, change the world, set something on fire, believe in myself, and other vaguely encouraging remarks. The second proclaims that you can't change the world, don't waste your time. Pursue your dreams, but only the ones within your reach. Don't go any further unless you have a certainty of success. 

With one, realization of one's dreams is key. Better to try and lose everything, than to be paralyzed by doubt and fear of failure. For the other, it is better never to fail. If you want to succeed in life, then keep the bar low.You'll reach it every time. 

Isn't there a better way? Can't we aim for the highest of heights, but keep our plans practical? Can't the grandest of aspirations be balanced by pragmatic realizations?

We shouldn't hope to change the world, but we shouldn't despair of helping it. The problem is, that's such an overused, cliche, vague phrase. Honestly, what does it even mean? Change the world. Change what about it? Change the global economic structure? Eradicate poverty from every corner of society? Enforce an absolute peace upon the world? 

It's a fool's errand and that's the problem. We try lifting the world, struggle greatly, and eventually we crumble beneath its weight. But on the other side of the spectrum, we see such failures play out before our eyes, weigh the chances, and turn away.  Both paths lead to the same result: Failure. Failure to act or failure to succeed. 

The thing is, we were never meant to change the world. No matter how much you and I try, we just can't. And that might be hard to accept, but it's ok. Why did we become so concerned about the numbers anyway? Was Jesus a failure because He didn't physically heal every person in the world? He only fed five thousand, not five million or five billion. 

He looked at the immediate circumstances of where He was and did something about it. He didn't zoom about on a chariot, healing and feeding entire towns wholesale, as he roared through the countryside, a cloud of dust and disciples trailing after Him. 

Jesus heals persons, not peoples. He's feeds humans, not humanity. His concern focused on the here and now, the people present before Him. Even as He suffered and died to redeem Humanity, He still turned to the man beside Him on the cross and offered him the comfort and hope of Heaven.

The more we become so focused and distracted by the numbers, the easier it is to forget the person standing right before us.

We all have limits, we only can stretch so far. It doesn't matter if we can help one person or a thousand. What matters is that we helped. Each life we touch is priceless. Each life is of unfathomable importance. You can't measure that. You can't determine whether something is a success or not, only by the numbers. 

You've done something good. You changed someone's life for the better. You've probably even changed your own. In the end, it doesn't matter whether you succeeded. It doesn't matter if you failed. What matters is that you tried. 

If only we all did.

That would change the world.

My Friend, Jesus

Uhg, people, I'm dead.

I'm staring at this computer screen, screaming "I CAN'T THINK, I CAN'T THINK!!"

So, yeah, I think that's a good enough introduction for this post. Or, maybe, it could function as my ending, too.

Guys, I can't write about God anymore. Ok, well, not really, but I need help. Due to my last minute procrastination and overall state of panic, I can't even decide on a topic. Well, actually, I did. I tried to be on top of things and starting writing it last night, but after reading it this morning, nope. Time to try something new. There's seriously nothing more discouraging than a looming deadline and a blank computer document. 

I mean, sure, I could just not post today. But wouldn't that mean I'm a failure??? I mean, I promised to post every Sunday, it'd practically be a sin to just not do it. Right? 

Wrong. Well, I don't know. The whole point of setting deadlines was to make sure that I sat down, at least once a week, and actually wrote something for the blog. 'Cause I have a tendency to forget things, as evidenced by the fact that I'm writing this at 8:17 Sunday night. 

But what happened? I used to be on top of this, I had so many blog posts pre-written, they were coming out of mah ears! I used to be dying of impatience waiting for another week to roll by, so that I could share with ya'll what I had written.

Maybe, I've forgotten. I've lost focus. After all, I started this blog for a purpose. I didn't start it just to become popular and have a gagillion of followers. It's evidenced in the very name of the blog. 

Lux Filii - Light of the Son

I wanted to spread the light I saw in my own life. I wanted to spread my joy of being Christian. I wanted to be positive, when the rest of the world seemed to be filled with darkness. 

I want to show that life is worth living. I want to share my struggles, not to prove that they really are challenging, but that they can be overcome.

Faith is not like bottled water, but like rain. It's destiny is not just to be kept and held, but to make something visible grow.

— Peter Kreeft (@ProfessorKreeft) August 24, 2016

This. This is me. Being who I was, being Christian, I had to share it. Every time I wrote, it would come pouring out. I knew something was there, something greater than me. I couldn't just put a cap on it, to keep it for myself.

It seemed whenever I put myself into the words, whenever I shared it freely, I could feel something at work. I can feel it now, driving me forward.

When I see the beautiful life I've been given, I need to share that. We're meant to be mirrors. When you know that God's light is real, it doesn't matter what you go through. I always tried to put everything I went through in perspective, to see what the pains, struggles, and confusion really were.

They're opportunities to love God. To love God, even when it doesn't feel good, when it makes no sense. To let go and trust in Him. That utter dependence to Him, truly is a great blessing and a cherished freedom.  There is no greater proof of our love when God apparently vanishes from our lives and we still say, "I believe."

I'm not an delusional optimist. Yes, there is evil in this world. The struggle is real. Nor am I a hopeless pessimist, because, in the end, our suffering will turn to joy and tears shall turn to laughter.

Let His name be my last word. There never was a greater story told. The story where God became Man, so that He might dwell among us and set us free.

The Man, who died that I might live.

My friend, 

Jesus.

One Step at a Time

Do you ever feel like you're wandering? 

As if you're heading for the right destination, but you just don't quite know the way. 

For me, I've been a person who has a lot of dreams and ambitions. I like knowing what I want to do with my life, after I leave school. I've got it all figured out. I'll be a Church Organist/Film Composer/Independent Artist/Husband/Blogger who's Financially Stable and Deeply Spiritual. 

To be perfectly honest, that's the first time I've ever typed it out. Doesn't it look all nice and neat? The problem is, so far, I've figured out what I want to do with my life. Now, I need to figure out what God has planned for my life. And that's what's scary.

'Cause God doesn't really fit into our neat boxes, labels, and to-do lists. I don't know about you, but it seems God has a tendency to throw a well-placed and quite necessary wrench into our orderly plans. These plans are not just wishful thinking, they're tightly held dreams that, in my case, have become partial realities. Of that list previously mentioned, four out of five of them are already true to my life. I do play organ for Church, I do compose music for films, I have started to release my music, and, obviously, I've become a blogger. (But no, I'm not married yet! ;) 

But those are things I do now, am I meant to continue with them for the next 50 years? Will I really still be blogging when I'm 65? (Which, incidentally, would come out to be 2,600 blog posts, if I posted every week.) 

Even now, it can be a struggle just trying to juggle everything together. And sometimes I just want to give up. And maybe I should, because I'm having trouble seeing which way I should go. 

Wouldn't it be easier if God just came out and told us what to do with our lives? A nice detailed overview of our vocation, career, who we should marry or whether we should at all, how long we have to live, what is necessary to stay on the right track to heaven, that all came as a package deal, along with our birth certificate and social security number.  

And He could, if He wanted to. After all, God is all-powerful. Unfortunately, we have a tendency to forget that God is also all-wise. All gifts that God gives are blessings and all gifts that He doesn't give are blessings just the same. 

Sometimes, God will say yes to our prayers. Other times, He will say no, but only because He wants to say yes to something greater. 

God doesn't give us a cheat sheet to life for the same reason He only gives us our "Daily Bread." Have you ever noticed that? We never pray, "Give us today, our yearly supply of bread...", but rather, only bread for the day. There's a reason for that and it's a good one. 

If God did give us His plan for our life, we would both lose our greatest strength and glorify our greatest weakness. We would forfeit our dependence on God, so that we could rely solely on the gift, not the Giver. God did not make life to be a treasure hunt, where He'd give us a map and turn us on our merry way. Life was meant to be journey between us and God. The Lover and the Beloved. 

If God gave us a lifetime supply of bread, then we would have no further need of Him for our daily sustenance. If we have been given directions, how would we ever turn to the Way, that is Christ?

 We weren't meant to teach ourselves, to just figure it out on our own. The whole point of existence is to know God! It's not to do all the "right" things, to have it all figured out. Living Christianity means living for Christ. All Christ wants is for us to have that critical relationship with Him, otherwise, nothing makes sense! If we had a truly, pure, total, self-giving love for God, we wouldn't find our trials and tribulations sacrificial or hard to bear. 

If we're madly enthusiastic about something, do we feel hardship because we must give up something lesser in order to enjoy it fully? 

God created us for to know, to love, and to serve Him and to be with Him forever in Heaven.

He gets us there by simply taking us by the hand and leading you and me home. 

One step at a time.   

Day One

Life can be tempting sometimes. 

It's so easy to just turn away and say, "Nah, I'll get to that tomorrow."

And it's things like that, which result in me sitting here in the morning, trying to get this blog post written. And every time I'm thinking, "Geez, Thomas, why didn't you start this earlier?"

And I protest because I don't even know what to write about! At this very moment, I have about no clue where I'm going with this post.  Maybe I should actually get a plan together, maybe I should actually be responsible and write with purpose. 

Because in life, we're often fed a great lie. It's a lie that says: We've got time tomorrow. We've got time to write this blog post before Sunday, we've got time to prepare for that recital, we've got plenty of time to change our lives. 

The fact of the matter is we do have time, but we might not have it tomorrow. If you live each day like it's your last, well, one of these times you're going to be right.

 

I find myself always hoping to simplify my life, to pray more, to write more. But it's just too late to try right now. I know I have to change sometime, but I'm sure that everything will just fall into place.

I reasoned, if any good we do is achieved solely by the grace of God, what part do I play in it? If prayer was uncomfortable or difficult, then I must be doing something wrong. I thought grace was supposed to carry me completely in this journey. I used to think that way, but I'm starting to realize more and more, that's not how it works. After all, I would struggle with even the smallest acts of prayer. 

But the race to heaven, to perfection, is not a sprint. It's the longest marathon we will ever experience. If I live till I'm exactly 100-years-old, that means I've still got 85 years left to struggle through. The problem is that we can look at holy people around us, true paradigms of Christian living, or the lives of martyrs and saints and be tempted to just give up. 

 

But if life is a journey, then we need to train for it. We shouldn't expect to go sprinting for miles at our first try. Your body couldn't handle it and if we treat prayer the same way, then we shouldn't be surprised at our failures.  

If you're anything like me, we need a schedule, a gameplan. We need to strategize, to problem-solve. If that means starting small, then it means starting small. The key word here is start. We can't just improvise through our spiritual lives, doing what we can and failing at what we can't. This is our eternal destiny, blame whoever you want, but in the end, the choice was yours. We need to take this seriously. And pushing it off till tomorrow won't help. 

 

Wishing for tomorrow means you've written off today. You've got to make use of the opportunities that you have today. If you don't use it, then you lose it. If you say you don't have any time, then you need to figure out your priorities. Whatever it is, what's most important is to take the first step. That could simply be praying for God to show you the way! 

It might be hard, or it might be easier than you thought. Failure is only another chance to start again. After all, what have we to lose?

 

Pretty much everything, I'd say.

So let's make today, day one.

Idling Forward

Sometimes, I don't understand. 

Why does it seem like everyone around me is hurting and yet, I'm doing just fine? 

Looking around me, I see good things and bad things. And, as usual, the bad things tend to appear bigger than good ones. 

All around me, there are people hurting, families tearing apart, uncertainty, financial worries, loss of a loved one, and squelched dreams. I see people trying to overcome the storms that threaten their faith. 

And for me, I feel like I've never been tested. 

Yes, I have experienced some of the aforementioned trials, but never in a way that made me seriously question the faith that I've always been raised in. It was hard, sure, but never quite in the same way I've heard or read about. If life is a road to Heaven, then, of course, I've encountered obstacles on the way. I've tripped and stumbled and it hurts a lot. But through all of it, I've never thought about turning back or finding a new path. 

Which leaves me with two possibilities. Either my faith is stronger than I think it is, (unlikely), or the trials I've experienced are as small as I think them to be. 

But I feel the question is, Why hasn't my faith been tested yet? Am I not mature or strong enough yet? Am I just not ready for it?

It's not that I'm asking for a catastrophe to happen, but I just want to know how deep my faith truly is. It's hard to measure something if you've never traversed its limits. How can I tell someone how far I can run unless I actually attempt running as far as I possibly can?

But what if I'm wrong? What if I've been looking at the wrong angle at this? After all, it's much easier to be dependent on God when you actually have need of Him. When you lose every shred of security, you have nothing left to get in your way of God. God is our surest refuge, a foundation to stand upon when all others fail. The problem is, we seem to always seek out our Saviour as last resort, a sort of fail-safe measure when everything else fails. God seems to have become our fairy Godmother, a forgotten fancy that appears only when all seems to be lost.

When the storms hit, God becomes a lot more evident in our minds. Great evil requires a greater good to overcome. That's just simple math. But when the sea is calm, we can tend to leave God below in the ship, sleeping undisturbed.

What if the greatest challenge to my faith is not my belief in it, but rather my commitment to it? 

One of my favorite aspects of Africa is that it was hard. I saw the good, the bad, and the ugly every day. I saw the beauty of human faith and trust in God and the despair and desperation of poverty. There were things that made me squirm, cringe, and want to turn away. Sometimes, I probably did. But each experience, regardless of whether it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside or confront me with the reality of human suffering, was a powerful experience. A good experience, not in the sense that it was fun, but that I needed to see this.

In Africa, things challenged me, made me confront the problem of pain, allowed me to see just how much I could take.

Back home, it's not hard. I can take things easy and not many people would even notice. No one begs for my water, I don't have to witness the nature of poverty, I don't even have to take cold showers anymore!

In Africa, all I had to do was shift into neutral and let God push me. I was idling forward. He helped me get started, but now I have to pull my weight. That means work. Sacrifice. Patience. Commitment.

I can't just drift from one spiritual high to the next. I can't just glide along, complacent. If I'm not moving forward, then I'm just going to fall right back to where I started. Perfection is a pursuit of the infinite. We have Jesus as our measure, our role model.

I don't know about you, but that's a very high bar to reach! And while it's one that we can't make on our own, we still have to give it our very best. We still have to work, we still have to suffer. Because if all we're going to do is idle forward,

Then we're going nowhere.

And we're going to get there fast.

Be Strong and Courageous

Hey, so I'm in Africa right now, so here's a guest post instead!

See you soon!

Hey there! *waves cheerfully* I’m known in the blogosphere as Blessing Counter. Just an ordinary country gal with an extraordinary view on life ;) I’m a Christian saved by grace, a daughter of the King. Ummmm….not sure what else to add to this. Oh! Well, if you’re interested in knowing, I’m 16, the oldest of 7 (soon to be 8), a lover of words, and I blog at Counting Your Blessings One by One .

When Thomas first asked me to write a post on courage, I was a little hesitant at first. Well, hesitant and a little awed at how God was working this out. You see, I was (and still am) struggling with this very thing. At this very moment, I’m learning to trust in the Lord and, well - have courage to be bold. So this will kinda be a retelling of some of the things the Lord has taught me in being bold for Him :)

Ever since I was a child, I’ve been very, very shy. Multiple times my parents have reminded me “for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Timothy 1:7). This verse has been impressed deeply into both my mind and heart.

A few years ago, I thought that being shy was okay, since that’s how God made me, right? Well, yes and no. Now I don’t think being an introvert is wrong, no indeed! The world needs introverts just as much as it needs extroverts. But just because we’re introverts doesn’t mean we should go into hiding and live like a hermit. Over the years, I’ve realized that it becomes wrong when timidity keeps you from spreading the Gospel to others. For what did the Lord command us? “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation” (Mark 16:15),  and “Declare His glory among the nations, His marvelous works among all the peoples!” (Psalms 96:3) Timidity shouldn’t be what holds you back from telling others about the awesome glory of God and His everlasting love for mankind.

There’s a certain amount of trust needed in being courageous. There are problems like wanting to do something but being afraid of what others will think of you. Or wanting to make new friends, but afraid of betrayal. Or thinking of telling the Gospel to someone, but afraid of making mistakes or the situation taking a wrong turn. What do we do during some of these scenarios that we will inevitably encounter during our lifetime? Trust in God! Know that our dear heavenly Father is watching us and He loves us for who we are. Not what others think we should be.  When things seem to be falling into a deep, dark hole, trust that God has everything in control. God has a reason for all these things to happen, even if it doesn’t look like it.

Same goes for trials. Life is hard. That’s the honest truth. You’re not the only one who struggles; everybody who ever lived, lives, or will live on this earth will struggle. Problems and temptations surround us every day. But God gives us courage to endure - Praise the Lord! Even when times seem to be impossibly difficult, know that God only gives us what He thinks we can handle. And we can use this courage in the Lord to help each other. We’re all brothers and sisters in Christ, and as Paul says, “[we should] encourage one another and build one another up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11). So don’t be daunted by the trials of this world. Even when things are getting dark, don’t worry. Have courage! The Lord is there for you. We are there for you.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).

Where Courage Leads

I'm living my life every day and I've noticed something.

It's not the big things that scare me, but rather, the small ones.

Perhaps that's just due to my ignorance. I've never really faced any massive faith-shaking challenges so far. Maybe, I'm unafraid of them merely because I don't know them for what they are.  But what if there's more to that? What if courage means more than just facing the biggest things that challenge us?

What if it's the small things that have the most influence on our lives?

After all, most people don't lose their salvation overnight . Most people don't reject God consciously out of malice or ingratitude. They simply don't care. Often, we're just washed in a sea of distractions and the blustering winds of temptations.

We're too busy working on the "important" stuff. I'd be praying, but wait, let me finish reading this blog post. Or I need to practice my piano, right now. Gosh, man this garden sure needs to be weeded. I'm sorry Mr. God, but I just have absolutely no time for you right now. (or ever, for that matter.)

Sometimes the hard things might just be the easiest ones to accomplish. How many of us would be jumping for the chance to go on a missions trip? How often will we donate money to great causes? How often will we volunteer for some sort of parish project?

How many of us will give up our music, our books, our blogs, our hobbies to offer our assistance around the home? To pray more than five minutes today? To read the Bible intentionally, not just reading some great quote off the internet?

See, courage isn't just facing the giants where they stand; it also means wading in the water to pick up five smooth stones.


It means saying no to those things that pull us away from good deeds, from better relationships, from a stronger faith.

It's fine and dandy to change someone else's life, it's harder still to change our own. It's easier to change where we live than to change how we live. It's easier to forgive than it is to say sorry. And that takes faith, it takes trust.

We have to acknowledge that the time we spend with God, the time we spend with others, is more important than any other thing we will accomplish today.

There's a line that's been pounded into my mind a thousand times. Yet, every time, it really is a rule a life to live by. Not just to think about, not just to apply selectively. It's something to have the courage to live out every day.

"Never let what you're doing, be more important than who you're doing it with."

Don't just pray because you have to, because that's what "good" Christians are supposed to do. Don't give money just because you need to be charitable. Don't give a second of your time to other people, if you can't even live peacefully with your own family.

Don't change the world, but leave yourself out of the equation. If you want to show real commitment, real love, real charity, then change your life in a way that directly affects your immediate lifestyle and surroundings. If I can fly halfway around the world to minister to the poor, but can't crack my Bible open in the mornings, then something is wrong. If all I can do is change the external aspect of my life, then I'm in bad shape.

I don't care how kind you are to your friends or strangers and yet treat your family like dirt. I don't care how much money you give if you can't find the time to be helpful in your daily life. It doesn't matter if you can quote the entire Bible for me but won't put it into practice.

It was not remarkable that Jesus died on a cross, but rather that He chose to. We are all called to do something. We can do great things with no love, or we can do small things with great love.

If you want to truly change someone's life for the better, then change your own first.

That takes real courage.

That shows real love.

Unreachable

Help me out here.

What am I supposed to do, in a life that's centered not around what you know, but rather, who you know?

 It's hard for me. The fact of the matter is that I love learning about God. Theological concepts, proofs of morality and ethics, insights into the realities of Heaven, those fascinate me greatly. After all, from a scholarly point of view, there's a lot to learn about God, regardless of whether you believe in Him or not.

Reason is an incredible, amazing gift that we've been blessed with. Reading more and more about God is like piecing together an incredibly intricate, perfectly placed puzzle. Everything just makes sense. It's also remarkably practical, believing in God. Just look at Pascal's wager. I’m reminded of a quote from G.K Chesterton that always makes me smile.

 'I'm afraid I'm a practical man,’ said the doctor with gruff humour, ‘and I don't bother much about religion and philosophy.'
‘You'll never be a practical man till you do,’ said Father Brown.”

And it’s true. If God is real, then believing in Him is a very practical, realistic course of action to take.

Just the same, mere faith is not enough. I know a great deal about God and I believe what I know. So does the devil. The difference is that he rejected God. He couldn’t return the love he saw in Him.

There are three critical virtues, faith is only one of them. Faith, hope, and love. Love is the greatest because love remains. In Heaven, there’s no need for faith or hope. The struggle is over, the journey complete. You don’t need faith to see something right before you. You don’t hope to attain what has already been gained. But you always love. There is always love.

The problem facing me, I feel, is rather serious. I’ve already established my faith, my hope. I’ve barely touched love.

I look at Jesus and all I see is facts. I know He is 100% both God and Man, united in the love and circumincession of the Trinity, a unity of three divine Persons, all uniquely distinct, yet still one God. And I know He loves me, but I don’t feel it.

If God is my lover, creator, savior, redeemer, then why does it feel like I’ll need an introduction in Heaven?  I don’t need facts, I need Him!

I’m supposed to desire the Lord above all things, but I feel my heart tossing and turning in a sea of materialism.

How am I to desire someone that it seems like I’ve never met? I’m not asking for a blare of trumpets, I'm asking for a friend!

I want more, I want to love. I want Him to be my closest companion, my guiding star in the night. I don’t want to know about Him, I want to know Him! I want His whisper in my heart. I want to know why He loves me. I want to be familiar with His joy, His mercy, His compassion, His wisdom, even His humor. I want to know whether I should call Him, God or Lord. Savior or Redeemer. Father or just Daddy.

But I’m tired. I’m tired of asking questions that I can’t answer. I’m tired of knocking at doors that, despite divine assurance, never seem to open.

I can only run so far before I fall.

...

But I’ve forgotten. It will never be my strength, my sheer willpower that allows me to succeed. It’s never been that way. It was Christ who bridged the gap, not me. It is Christ who is with me, even now. And it is through Christ, that I will be lead home.  

Grace has always been the answer. That’s why we call it amazing.

Sometimes, God feels so far away. Yet, I know in the end,

He's never quite unreachable.

 I still have hope.

It's not over yet

Love is Enough

It seems like we're always longing for people to see us.

Notice me and my efforts are made worthwhile.

This thought has bothered me for a while. Humility is something that I struggle with. I need people to see me. To see that I'm a good piano player, to see that I'm a quote/unquote "amazing" writer, to see that I'm a good Christian. I need you to see me, otherwise, I'm not important. I'm nobody. Just another face in the crowd. 

I need to be needed, to be essential, to be important. Big crowds don't bother me, being part of one does. 

...

What do I do about it? How do I change this desire, this need for attention, respect, or acknowledgment? I feel like I'm starved for something. It's not hard to find. 

Even if I have the approval and praise of everyone, that's not good enough. I think I know why.

I'm always looking to be seen, but never realizing how much I am known. Every minute of my life, there is Someone who says: "I love you." It's because of this love, that I breathe. It's this love that's given me so much. A family to love, talents to use, friends to trust, a Savior to believe in.

So often, I need to prove that I'm "something" to people around me. Strangers, friends, family, it doesn't matter. If they don't see me excelling, then I'm not special.

Does a diamond become less valuable if you hide it away in a box?

It's nonsensical. We don't need to prove anything! We might as well say the Cross isn't worthwhile because we didn't see it.

After all, the cross was just an ugly piece of wood. It's just a brutal, inefficient, macabre torture device. There's nothing "special" about something just because it's good at what it does. The cross was designed to kill people and cause pain. It performs its job hideously well.

That's what we look like without love, covered in sin. That's what our talents become if we lose our love. We become mechanical, boring, stale, inhuman, dull, painful.

The cross became beautiful because it was touched by beauty. It became holy because it bore holiness. It became lovely because love poured out upon it.

Love doesn't need an audience. It needs only one other, Love Itself.

Talents and good works mean nothing without it. God doesn't need talented people, He needs willing hearts. Love does all things well. We can struggle along on sheer willpower and talent, but a plant without the Sun will die, no matter how beautiful it is.

Give me sincerity over superiority any day.

We don't need spectators, fans, or fame. We need God. He's promised to be with us forever, have we ever considered what that means? God's at your dance recital, the finish line of your race, the encore of your concert, the last sentence of your novel. Why don't we do it for Him? Why don't we do everything for the love of Him? God is easy to please. Every little thing we do for love of Him is incomparably lovely to the finest sonata ever composed.

If you want to find the fulfillment of your talents, then turn to the One who gave them to you. Spend time with the source of beauty, excellence, goodness, and love and you'll reflect that in all you do. The moon is beautiful because it reflects the sun. Alone, it's just a cold, dark, lifeless chunk of rock floating in the sky.

“At the end of life, we will not be judged by how many diplomas we have received, how much money we have made, how many great things we have done. We will be judged by "I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat, I was naked and you clothed me. I was homeless, and you took me in.”

-Mother Teresa

It doesn't matter what you are. A painter, novelist, blogger, musician, plumber, that's irrelevant. God is going to look at your life and judge it on one criteria: Love.

Nothing else in your life matters as much as love. It's the key. The key to free your heart and unlock the beauty within.

Yes, I'm important, I'm special, I'm amazing. Not because of what I do, but because of who I am. 

I am loved by God.

And that's good enough for me.

Who needs applause anyways?

Lost

Hello, ya'll.

 Here I am.

 I feel overwhelmed. 

I feel lost.

As with all moods and feelings, they never last. Happiness doesn't. But neither does sadness. They all wash away, like specks of dust on a window pane. It seems when we get caught up in the daily struggle, the surface of the glass, we lose sight of the light shining through it. If we become so focused on ourselves, then we become murky and opaque. The light shines just as brightly as before, but no one can see it through us.

How do we deal with this? A thousand different obligations, all pulling at us. With ten things always on our minds, it's hard to focus on just one. Deadlines looming, people expectant, how many more times can we use the excuse, "I'm busy!"

I don't know why it is that way. Why do I always say "yes" to the next project, the next obligation, to the next responsibility?

We can't look back, we can't pretend away certain things, we can't abandon that which we already have.

But we can forget. We can forget certain responsibilities that don't seem that important compared to the latest flash and glitter. We can ignore the things that don't press for our attention, that don't seem "worth" it.

You've probably guessed what thing I've forgotten. It's God.

Sometimes, we look around our lives and ask "How can we have SO MUCH STRESS?"

For me, stress comes from several areas in my life. One, the tedious amount of responsibilities I have. (Most of which, seem non-negotiable.) Two, from the anxieties of that which lies ahead. (Which seem so real.)

I've got movies to edit, school to learn, music to practice, dances to ready for, college to think about. I've got the world to worry about. Trips to foreign countries, wars between nations, the political scene, the never-ending decline of morality, the growing darkness.

And in that moment, I forget who I am and who He is. I'm nothing myself, but I have everything. I have a God who has done great things. A God, who has shown strength with His arm, who has brought down the powerful from their thrones, and lifted up the lowly, who has filled the hungry with good things, and sent the rich away empty.

I have a God of unimaginable glory. And He's on my side.

We need to remind ourselves of that every day. Night and day, rain and shine, happy or sad. If we forget to look for the light, why do we complain of being in the dark? If we turn away from our God, why do we cry that we're abandoned? If we pull away from our only strength, why do we wonder at our failures?

Leave the past in memory. Leave the future to the One who plans it. Pray for the grace to see the present through, one step at a time. Buildings are built one brick at a time. Races are won one step at a time. Why do we try to overcome it all at once?

Wherever you are right now, put your strength into that. Don't worry about the appointment you have this afternoon or the piano lessons tomorrow. Focus on the beautiful opportunity before you now. That doesn't mean forgetting your responsibilities, it means knowing your limits.

As Mother Teresa put it beautifully:

"We know only too well that what we are doing is nothing more than a drop in the ocean. But if the drop were not there, the ocean would be missing something."

 All that is required of us is to give our best. God will take care of the rest.

After all, what can we do on our own? It was never about our strengths or talents or abilities. We're helplessly weak, unable to save ourselves, much less care for others. And that's a cause for joy. In our weakness, the light of Christ shines brightly in all that we do. It's one thing to say, God is good, when we are filled with every earthly blessing. It's quite another for the least of the earth to say it. The downtrodden, the abandoned. The forgotten, the lonely. The destitute, the sick. The ones who have been dealt the harshest blows life can give. What if they say it? What if they shouted it for the world to hear? They, despite everything, are filled with an unconquerable God. They have joy. They are living beautiful lives because God is more. Because God gives them the strength to carry on. I've seen people like that.

A beautiful life never depends on circumstance.

In the end, what do we have? We have worries, stress, multitudes of responsibilities, an overwhelming amount of distractions. Aren't they the ones who have nothing? If that's true, then God give me strength. Give me the strength to seek You above all things. Grant me the courage to lose everything that distracts, worries, and pulls me away from Your love. For without You,

I'm lost.

Just so you know, this is an older post I wrote a while back. I'm feeling much better now. :P

Because He Loves

I got two premises, however, they seem rather convoluted.

1. God is good.
2. Life, often, is not.

  (At least, from an objective, limited, incomplete view of things.)

The problem before me now, is to reconcile these two opposing viewpoints. I know God is good. That's without a doubt, nothing changes that. Whenever something doesn't make sense or seems contrary to what I know to be true, that's a flaw in my reasoning, or there's something I'm missing. Perhaps, it's beyond my grasp of comprehension or hidden from my limited view.

In regards to God, however, people throughout history have asked the same question:

Why does God allow evil to exist in our lives?

We pray for our daily bread, yet millions across the world are starving. 

We pray for peace, yet the world is stricken with violence, wars, and terror. The U.S. has been at war for practically 90% of its existence.

Even in our daily lives, we're confronted by tragedy and hardship at every turn. We've all lost someone close. No one escapes life unscathed from pain, not even Christians. Often, it seems, we get special attention. Today and for the last two thousand years, religious persecutions of often unimaginable cruelty have struck against the Church.

Don't think that such things are long gone, persecution is real and it's happening right now. There have been massive, state-sponsored religious persecutions as recent as the 20th Century. Wars have been fought over this. Even today, you can see the seeds of it sprouting and spreading in our own culture.

Christ warned us this would happen. We might've missed it, but He's said it multiple times. The real question is, why?

For some reason, I am reminded of the certain line from the age-old hymn:"They will know we are Christians by our love."

Often, I've interpreted that to mean that others will recognize us as Christians by the love we show to others. They would know we were different because of our kindness, gentleness, compassion, humility, forgiveness. I believe that's only half the picture. Love is more than that. Once we understand that, we begin to understand God more.

Despite what we might hope, God is not some paternal, fluffy, white-haired, grandfather figure whose pockets are full of loose change and Jolly Ranchers.

Love is not a pleasant feeling, it doesn't pat you on the back gently. It doesn't accept you for who you are, but who you could and should be. It's not some soothing balm to take away all your pains.

True love hurts.

Don't believe me? Just ask Jesus. Nails didn't hold Him to the cross. Love was the only binding strong enough to hold Him.

Love isn't always nice, but it's always good. It's a tough love. Suffering teaches us about ourselves. It strengthens us. A tree is strong because the wind bends it.

I've wondered a thousand times how deep my love and commitment to God truly is. I have no intention of being a fair-weather Christian, but the truth is, I don't know whether I'll hold true to my word, unless I've experienced an actual storm. Right now, I've never experienced anything that would truly shake my trust in God.

Hardship in life is not punishment. It's not the worst fate in the world. It doesn't prove that God doesn't exist or He's some sort of cosmic sadist. Such a claim is absurd, you might as well say your dentist is evil, just because he hurts. Do we complain of exercise being too difficult or painful? Is medicine bad, merely because of its bitterness?

If God didn't love us, our lives might be painless or filled with excessive pleasures. If God didn't love us, He might spoil us instead. To truly love someone, is to will their good. Is giving someone a perfect, utterly blissful life, what is truly good for them? In my observation, spoiling children isn't a good way to raise them, nor is it good for their souls.

Why people suffer, is still tortuously hard to understand. But I think the worst suffering to experience or to witness, is a wasted life. A life without beauty, truth, goodness. A life without Christ. We see it all around us. Moral decadence, relativism, or despair are never pleasant or fulfilling.

We might not understand, but we should always trust our Father. Worry and fear are ill-founded and useless. For while "pain and suffering are inevitable, misery is optional."

We never have to be afraid. 

Because He loves us.

Infinitely.