Unreachable

Help me out here.

What am I supposed to do, in a life that's centered not around what you know, but rather, who you know?

 It's hard for me. The fact of the matter is that I love learning about God. Theological concepts, proofs of morality and ethics, insights into the realities of Heaven, those fascinate me greatly. After all, from a scholarly point of view, there's a lot to learn about God, regardless of whether you believe in Him or not.

Reason is an incredible, amazing gift that we've been blessed with. Reading more and more about God is like piecing together an incredibly intricate, perfectly placed puzzle. Everything just makes sense. It's also remarkably practical, believing in God. Just look at Pascal's wager. I’m reminded of a quote from G.K Chesterton that always makes me smile.

 'I'm afraid I'm a practical man,’ said the doctor with gruff humour, ‘and I don't bother much about religion and philosophy.'
‘You'll never be a practical man till you do,’ said Father Brown.”

And it’s true. If God is real, then believing in Him is a very practical, realistic course of action to take.

Just the same, mere faith is not enough. I know a great deal about God and I believe what I know. So does the devil. The difference is that he rejected God. He couldn’t return the love he saw in Him.

There are three critical virtues, faith is only one of them. Faith, hope, and love. Love is the greatest because love remains. In Heaven, there’s no need for faith or hope. The struggle is over, the journey complete. You don’t need faith to see something right before you. You don’t hope to attain what has already been gained. But you always love. There is always love.

The problem facing me, I feel, is rather serious. I’ve already established my faith, my hope. I’ve barely touched love.

I look at Jesus and all I see is facts. I know He is 100% both God and Man, united in the love and circumincession of the Trinity, a unity of three divine Persons, all uniquely distinct, yet still one God. And I know He loves me, but I don’t feel it.

If God is my lover, creator, savior, redeemer, then why does it feel like I’ll need an introduction in Heaven?  I don’t need facts, I need Him!

I’m supposed to desire the Lord above all things, but I feel my heart tossing and turning in a sea of materialism.

How am I to desire someone that it seems like I’ve never met? I’m not asking for a blare of trumpets, I'm asking for a friend!

I want more, I want to love. I want Him to be my closest companion, my guiding star in the night. I don’t want to know about Him, I want to know Him! I want His whisper in my heart. I want to know why He loves me. I want to be familiar with His joy, His mercy, His compassion, His wisdom, even His humor. I want to know whether I should call Him, God or Lord. Savior or Redeemer. Father or just Daddy.

But I’m tired. I’m tired of asking questions that I can’t answer. I’m tired of knocking at doors that, despite divine assurance, never seem to open.

I can only run so far before I fall.

...

But I’ve forgotten. It will never be my strength, my sheer willpower that allows me to succeed. It’s never been that way. It was Christ who bridged the gap, not me. It is Christ who is with me, even now. And it is through Christ, that I will be lead home.  

Grace has always been the answer. That’s why we call it amazing.

Sometimes, God feels so far away. Yet, I know in the end,

He's never quite unreachable.

 I still have hope.

It's not over yet