Losing it All

So, I've been noticing something very strange lately: I've been rather happy, absurdly so.

For some, I suppose, that might not be very shocking. After all, you might be a happy, fun-loving, go-lucky kind of person. For me, it's strange because I haven't always been. (Happy, that is.) Of course, maybe it's just that I'm having a great day, but either way, this is something to think about. (Or in my case, blog about.)

 Being me, I turned to empirical investigation to see what I was doing differently. One thing came to mind: I've been rather silly lately. How silly, you ask? Well, I'm not sure if I should say this or not, but one event comes to mind. A week ago, I did some Irish Dancing, alone, outside, in snow boots, in the moonlight, while listening to TobyMac. Yep, I did. And I loved every second of it. For me, at least, that's not what I do normally. 

Actually, that's not what I did normally. Nowadays, things are different. I can't stop moving whenever I'm listening to music. Perhaps, it's just my love of music showing up in tangible form. Whatever it is, I'm enjoying myself. My brothers think I'm weird. I probably am, but that's just fine by me. 

Of course, I didn't come here just to ramble on about my new-found dancing disposition. That, while interesting enough, just doesn't quite deserve an entire post by itself. (Or maybe it does, I don't know!) So, as I am fond of doing, I did my best to wonder: How can I take this "dancing" or "general weirdness" and give a real meaning and purpose in my life? Hopefully, I'll find my answer in the course of this post.

I'll start with the root, the core, and basic elements of this new desire or trait. If you don't know already, I like to go deep with things. It helps me think and find something new.

The first question that pops to my mind is pretty straightforward. Is it a good thing?

Hmm, let me think. Well, for starters, there is no law or moral code that prohibits being silly, every once in a while. Granted, the rules of propriety and common sense apply here. So, I won't start dancing in the middle of the street, the library, or church just because I feel like doing so. But what about at home? I'm certainly not bothering anyone there! (Or, at least, not too much...) I'd say it's pretty safe to assume I'm not doing anything bad. This matter might be one of prudence, not policy. But then again, is it doing anything good? 

Thinking back, the primary feeling I had that night was one of exhilaration and freedom. Part of me was thinking: What on earth am I doing? The other was: This. Is. Me. 

By this time, you're probably wondering where the title of this post came from. It's very simple. That night, I lost it. All of it. I stopped caring about whether people might laugh at me. I didn't fear what a spectacle I was making. I let myself go and I danced in the night.

Cogitating about this has made me wonder. What can I do, that I just haven't tried yet? Let me just point out, dancing like nobody's watching, will probably not have an amazing, life-changing effect on my life. That's not the point of it. What it has done, is stretched my comfort zone, just a little bit farther. I believe that even the smallest things, can be used for greater purposes. We can do little, insignificant acts with great love, or great, ponderous acts with none at all. What do you think God appreciates more?  

So, that's why I try to ask myself these questions: What can I learn from this? What can I use this for? How can I stretch this lesson learned to encompass my entire life?

That night, I learned to ask myself:

What's holding me back from more?

What's preventing me from a deeper relationship with Christ? Why am I not willing to go the extra mile? Why am I afraid to speak the truth loudly, boldly, with unflinching courage, despite what others might say? Why do I hide behind a mask because I don't want others to see me for who I am? Why do I not want to be who I am? And why am I too weak to respond to God's call? The call to holiness.

I realized that night, what I needed to learn. I need to able to lose it all. I need to abandon my insecurities, my self-ridicule, my fear of pain, my terror of the unexplored and untried. God wants me to be more than that. He has a future so bright and beautiful, for me. For you. The problem is, we find ourselves so easily contented with less. God has more. He's willing to give it all. He's already given everything to us. Himself, on the cross. He asks only one thing of us: Give of ourselves to Him, completely, utterly, entirely. Without fear, without hesitation, without worry of tomorrow.

But the question remains, at the very end of things, when the hammer hits the anvil, when the devil strikes, when night falls, am I truly ready to lose it all?

Are you?